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Monday, September 26, 2005
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Now, horny as hell he says, "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
"No, no, and no! I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, and in a sleepy voice she says:
"Daddy says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake, tell the butthead to take his friggin' hand off the intercom! We're trying to sleep!"
Posted at Monday, September 26, 2005 by jaka
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A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish, anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The genie grants him his wish.
When Alexi gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted!
Alexi yells to his boyfriend, " Mischa, Mischa, come quickly!" He comes running down the hall and Alexi takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells him to drink--it is vodka. Mischa is reluctant, but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The two drink and party all night. This goes on for the next few nights.
Finally, Friday night comes and Alexi comes home and tells his boyfriend, "Mischa, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. His boyfriend gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. Alexi begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his boyfriend asks him, "But Alexi, why do we need only one glass?"
Alexi raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."
Posted at Monday, September 26, 2005 by jaka
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was just as obviously enjoying himself at the same time.
It was nearing the end of quite a long flight and the cockpit crew sounded two bells, indicating their final descent, signaling the cabin crew to prepare the cabin for landing.
The gay flight attendant came swishing down the aisle, picked up the intercom phone, and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Listen, sweetie, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you - put the tray up, Bitch!"
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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50th Aniversary
Two elderly lovers were celebrating their 50th anniversary, with a friend at the bar.
The friend suggests they return to the little town where they first met. "I'll drive you" he offers, "you guys are always talking about the place, it would be nice to go back and visit". So off they go.
They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the friend about their love for each other and how they met at this same spot.
The friend smiled as the old couple spoke.
One old boy turns to his lover and says, "Remember the first time we made love, it was up in that field across the road, when I put you against the fence. Why don't we do it again for old times sake?"
His lover giggled like crazy and said, "Sure, why not."
So they went out the door and across to the field. The friend smiled to himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he better keep an eye on the couple so they didn't run into any harm. The old couple walked to the field and as they approached the fence they began to undress. One old man picked up his lover when they were naked and leaned him against the fence. The friend was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he saw. With the vitality of youth, one old boy bounced up and down excitedly, while the other lover thrashed around like a wild man, then they both fell to the ground in exhaustion.
Eventually, they stood up, shook themselves, and got dressed.
As they walked back towards the road, the friend stepped from his hiding spot and said, "That is the most wonderful love making I have ever seen. You must have been a wild couple when you were young."
"Not really," said one old man, "when we were young, that fence wasn't electric."
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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Alcohol Warnings We'd Like To See
The FDA decided to place different kinds of warnings on all alcohol products to let customers know the risks involved:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants..
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can converse with great looking guys hunks without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in getting your butt kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause acute ATM anemia.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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Jake was dying. His lover, Bob, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. He held his fragile hand, tears running down his face.
His praying roused Jake from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Bob," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," Bob said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Bob," he said in his tired voice. "I....I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Bob..."Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Bob. I...I slept with your brother, your best friend, his best friend, and your Father!"
"I know..." Bob whispered softly, "That's why I poisoned you."
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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A man enters a gay bar and while sitting at his table, notices an absolutely gorgeous man sitting at another table--alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to the hunk, knowing that if he accepts it, he will be his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the hunk , saying this is from the gentleman. He looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.
The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your pants."
Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to the hunk.
It reads: "Just so you know - I have a Mercedes AND a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, handsome, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So please send back the bottle."
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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A man goes to a tattoo artist and says:
"I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."
The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?"
The man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money grow I like to play with my money And next time my lover wants to blow a hundred bucks, he won't have to leave the house!"
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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MALES NULIS, TAPI INI GUA MAU SHARE
HE HE HE HE......
KUMPULAN ANEKDOT YANG GUA DAPET DARI BERBAGAI SUMBER
ENJOOOOYYY COOOOYYY........ :)
20 of the Best Things About Being Gay from the book 501 Great Things About Being Gay by Edward Taussig.
1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and mean her bathing suit.
8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
9. You really have "been there, done that."
10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."
12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
17. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
18. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
19. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
20. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away
Posted at Sunday, September 18, 2005 by jaka
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Love Hit & Run Recovery
Tried various and alternative measures for cure
to no avail......
Friends have tried.... in vain.....
Gonna give myself another try,
releasing my negative thoughts,
in simple scribbles.....
Hoping the void in me will soon be
filled up again......
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